Quick Takeaways

• Your first response matters more than having all the answers. Keeping the conversation open protects your relationship and your child's well-being.

• Listening does not mean agreeing with every decision. You can have questions, concerns, and boundaries while still showing love.

• Research from the Family Acceptance Project shows that family rejection dramatically increases health risks for kids, while acceptance protects them.

• "Conversion therapy" or "exploratory therapy" will not bring your child back to you. These practices damage family bonds and put kids at risk.

• You can stay faithful to God and be a safe place for your child. These are not in conflict.

Your stomach dropped. Your heart pounded. Maybe you held it together in the moment, or maybe you said something you now regret. Either way, your child just trusted you with something deeply personal about who they believe they are, and now you are standing in unfamiliar territory.

If you are a Christian mom or dad whose child has said they think they might be transgender, this guide is for you. Not to tell you what to believe. Not to push you toward any particular outcome. But to help you protect the most important thing: your relationship with your child.

Why Your First Response Matters

Brandon Boulware, a Christian father and son of a Methodist minister, spent years trying to change his transgender daughter. He forced short haircuts, boy clothes, and boys' sports teams. He did what he thought was right.

"My child was miserable," Boulware said in testimony before Missouri lawmakers. "No confidence, no friends, no laughter. I had a child who did not smile."

The turning point came when his daughter asked if she could play with neighbor kids, but only if she first changed into boy clothes. Boulware realized he was teaching her that being good meant being someone else.

"The moment we allowed my daughter to be who she is, she was a different child," Boulware said. "It was immediate. It was a total transformation. I now have a confident, smiling, happy daughter."

What To Say (And What To Avoid)

When your child shares something this vulnerable, your words carry enormous weight. Here is what helps:

Do: "Thank you for trusting me with this. Help me understand what this feels like for you."

Do: "I love you. That is not going to change. We are going to figure this out together."

Do: "I have questions, and I need time to learn. But I am not going anywhere."

Avoid: Lecturing, debating, or immediately launching into Scripture. There will be time for deeper conversations later.

Avoid: Ultimatums or threats. These push kids away and can cause lasting harm.

Avoid: Pretending this conversation did not happen.

The Research Every Parent Should Know

The Family Acceptance Project has studied how families respond to their children who are gay or transgender. Their findings should give every Christian parent pause.

When parents try to change or suppress their child's identity, those kids face dramatically higher rates of depression, substance abuse, and suicide attempts. Youth whose parents engaged in change efforts had an attempted suicide rate of 48 percent. When combined with external conversion interventions, that number climbed to 63 percent.

But here is the good news: family acceptance protects kids. Parents who express love, keep communication open, and stay connected reduce their child's health risks significantly. And parents can do this while holding onto their own beliefs.

What About "Conversion Therapy"?

If someone has suggested therapy to help your child "align with their biological sex" or resolve gender confusion, you need to know the facts about what conversion therapy is.

There is no evidence that conversion therapy works. Every major medical organization opposes it. And the practices commonly known as 'conversion therapy,' sometimes rebranded as 'exploratory therapy' or 'therapy first,' are linked to depression, PTSD, and suicidal thoughts in the kids who experience them. Parents who have been through it explain why conversion therapy is harmful in ways statistics alone cannot capture.

These programs prey on parental fear and confusion. They promise to "fix" your child and make the hard questions go away. Instead, they damage family bonds and put vulnerable children at serious risk.

Your Next Step

You do not have to have all the answers today. You do not need to solve anything tonight. What your child needs most right now is to know you are still in their corner.

Keep the conversation going. Check in regularly, not just about "the issue," but about their life. Find a therapist who can help your family communicate, not one promising to change your child. Explore faith-based alternatives to conversion therapy that keep your family connected.

Most importantly, remember this: the God who created your child does not make mistakes. You can trust your child, trust your faith, and trust that choosing love over fear is always the right path.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What should I say first?

A: Listen, do not lecture. Try: "Thank you for telling me. I love you, and we will figure this out together."

Q: Does acceptance mean agreement?

A: No. You can have concerns and boundaries while still showing unconditional love. Acceptance keeps your child safe and your relationship intact.

Q: Will my child grow out of this?

A: Maybe, maybe not. What you can control is keeping your relationship strong so your child stays connected to you, either way.

Q: What is conversion therapy?

A: Any effort to change or suppress your child's gender identity. It does not work, causes harm, and is opposed by every major medical organization. "Exploratory therapy" is often the same thing rebranded.

Q: Can I support my child and stay true to my faith?

A: Yes. Organizations like Fortunate Families and the Family Acceptance Project offer faith-rooted resources. Many Christian parents have walked this road before you. Learn how to support them without losing your faith.