When your son or daughter shares that they are gay, bisexual, or transgender, the moment can feel overwhelming. Questions flood in. What does this mean for their future? How does this fit with what I believe? Am I failing as a parent?

These feelings are normal. You are not alone. Countless Christian families have walked this path before you, and many have found their way to deeper faith and stronger family bonds on the other side.

Quick Takeaways:

• Learning that your child is gay or transgender can be both challenging and an opportunity to deepen your relationship with them and with God.

• Faith and family acceptance are not in conflict. Research shows that parental support dramatically improves outcomes for gay or transgender youth.

• Conversion therapy is rejected by every major medical organization and has been shown to increase depression, anxiety, and suicidality in young people.

• Authentic faith-based support focuses on love, compassion, and keeping families together rather than attempting to change who your child is.

• You can honor your convictions and protect your child at the same time.

The Path Many Parents Are Tempted to Take

When faced with this news, some parents feel desperate to "fix" the situation. They may hear about conversion therapy, also called sexual orientation change efforts or reparative therapy, and wonder if it could help their child become heterosexual or cisgender.

Here is what you need to know: conversion therapy does not work. It has been rejected by the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Medical Association, the American Psychological Association, and virtually every major medical and mental health organization in the country. Research shows it does not change sexual orientation or gender identity. What it does do is cause harm.

Studies published in JAMA Pediatrics and other peer-reviewed journals have found that young people exposed to conversion therapy experience significantly higher rates of depression, anxiety, and suicide attempts. According to research from the Family Acceptance Project at San Francisco State University, transgender youth who experience high levels of family rejection are more than eight times more likely to attempt suicide than those whose families are accepting.

Conversion therapy is, at its core, a scam. Practitioners charge families money for a "treatment" that cannot deliver what it promises. Parents who pursue it often find themselves poorer financially and emotionally, with a child whose mental health has deteriorated and whose trust in them has been shattered.

A Solution That Divides Families Is No Solution at All

One of the cruelest ironies of conversion therapy is that it often destroys the very families it claims to protect. Children subjected to these practices frequently experience a profound sense of betrayal. The message they receive is clear: who you are is so unacceptable that your own parents paid someone to try to change you.

This wounds the parent-child relationship in ways that can take years to heal. Many survivors report lasting damage to their relationship with their parents, their sense of self-worth, and their faith. As one faith advocate explains, parents can "quite literally save their child's life by helping them accept themselves for who they are."

What Faithful Support Actually Looks Like

Authentic faith-based support for children struggling with their gender identities centers on the values most Christians hold dear: unconditional love, compassion, mercy, and family unity.

Research from the Family Acceptance Project has identified specific family behaviors that dramatically improve outcomes for transgender youth: talking with your child respectfully about their identity, expressing affection when they share something personal, supporting their identity even if you feel uncomfortable, and advocating for them when others mistreat them.

Susan Cottrell, a Christian author and faith advocate, encourages parents to remember a simple truth: "Your job with these children God has entrusted to you is to love them to the ends of the earth. Be the safe place for your child, whatever their story."

This does not mean abandoning your faith. Many Christian families find that supporting their child actually deepens their spiritual journey, pushing them to wrestle with Scripture, prayer, and what it means to follow Christ in difficult circumstances.

Finding Help and Community

You do not have to navigate this alone. Affirming that pastoral counseling and psychotherapy are available from providers who support both your faith and your child. Organizations like PFLAG, the Family Acceptance Project, and FreedHearts offer resources specifically designed for Christian families.

Look for counselors and faith communities that work to strengthen family relationships rather than fracture them.

Your First Duty as a Parent

As parents, our primary calling is to protect our children. The evidence is clear: attempts to change a child's sexual orientation or gender identity only put them in harm's way.

You can be both a faithful Christian and a loving, supportive parent to your gay or transgender child. The most faithful thing you can do may be to love them exactly as they are, trusting that God's grace is sufficient for your whole family.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Is it possible to support my transgender child and still be a faithful Christian?

A: Absolutely. Many devout Christian families have found that supporting their child strengthens rather than compromises their faith. Values like unconditional love, compassion, and family unity are central to Christian teaching.

Q: What is conversion therapy, and why is it harmful?

A: Conversion therapy refers to practices that attempt to change a person's sexual orientation or gender identity. Every major medical and mental health organization has rejected it as ineffective and dangerous. Research shows it increases rates of depression, anxiety, and suicide attempts in young people.

Q: How can I find faith-based support that won't harm my child?

A: Look for pastoral counselors or therapists who affirm identities and focus on family acceptance. Organizations like PFLAG, the Family Acceptance Project, and FreedHearts offer resources for Christian families.

Q: What does research say about family acceptance and youth outcomes?

A: Research from the Family Acceptance Project shows that young adults and children who struggle with their gender identities have significantly better mental health outcomes when dealing with highly accepting families. Parental acceptance is one of the strongest protective factors for these young people.

Q: How do I talk to my child after learning they are struggling with same-sex attraction or gender issues?

A: Start by listening. Let your child know you love them. It is okay to share that you are still processing this news, as long as you make clear that your love for them has not changed.