Quick Takeaways

• This is your child's story to tell. Decisions about who else knows should be made together, not for them.

• Safety comes first. If your child is being bullied or feels unsafe, talking to school staff may be necessary.

• You can set boundaries with school personnel that respect your family's values while keeping your child safe.

• Other Christian families have navigated this by creating clear guidelines about what teachers need versus what stays private.

• Trust is built slowly. You don't have to tell everyone everything right away.

When your child shares something deeply personal about their sexual orientation or gender identity, one of the first practical questions many Christian parents face is deceptively simple: Who else needs to know?

The school question often rises to the top. Your child spends hours each day with teachers and peers. You want them safe, supported, and able to focus on learning. But you also want to protect their privacy and honor your family's values.

There's no universal right answer. But parents who've walked this road offer important lessons worth sharing.

Your Child's Story Belongs to Your Child

Faith advocate Susan Cottrell, who has counseled thousands of Christian families, puts it simply: "Be the safe place for your child, whatever their story." Part of being that safe place means respecting that this is their story to share or not share.

Before approaching anyone at school, have a real conversation with your child. Ask them directly: Do you want teachers or counselors informed? Are you being bullied? Do you feel safe?

The agreement many families find helpful: "We won't tell anyone without talking to each other first. This is your story, and I respect that."

When School Disclosure Makes Sense

Sometimes involving school staff isn't optional. If your child is being bullied, harassed, or feels physically unsafe, you have every right to advocate for them. Document incidents. Request meetings with counselors or principals. Make clear that your child's safety is non-negotiable.

Jamie Bruesehoff, a Lutheran pastor's spouse whose daughter Rebecca socially transitioned at age eight, describes their approach: They walked into the principal's office, requested a meeting, and provided information. They set clear boundaries: use her name and pronouns, direct questions to the parents rather than the child, and treat her with basic dignity.

"We were able to put this little bubble of protection around Rebecca," Jamie explains. The school didn't have to understand everything. They simply needed to respect basic boundaries that kept a child safe.

For Christian parents of a gay or transgender child, these conversations with schools can feel daunting. But many families have found that leading with their child's safety opens doors.

Setting Boundaries That Honor Your Values

You don't have to share your family's entire journey with school personnel. What teachers genuinely need is usually limited: Is the child safe? Are there specific accommodations that would help them learn?

Christian parent Brandon Boulware, whose testimony has resonated with millions, emphasizes that what changed his family wasn't teachers pushing an agenda. It was simply accepting his child as God made him, which allowed their relationship to heal.

You can communicate with teachers from that same foundation. You're not asking them to affirm a particular worldview. You're asking them to treat your child with kindness and keep them safe.

If you're wondering whether you can be faithful to your religion and support your trans child, the answer from families who've been there is yes. That same principle applies to school conversations.

What You Don't Have to Do

You don't have to explain your theological journey to anyone. You don't have to justify your parenting decisions. You don't have to answer invasive questions about your child's identity.

Extended family, church members, and even well-meaning friends can wait. School personnel are generally focused on one thing: helping your child succeed academically. Keep conversations focused on that shared goal.

If a teacher or administrator suggests approaches that feel harmful, trust your instincts. Understanding why conversion therapy is harmful can help you recognize red flags in any setting, including schools.

The Foundation That Matters Most

The Christian parents who navigate these decisions well share something in common: they keep their relationship with their child at the center.

As Susan Cottrell advises: "Your job with these children God has entrusted to you is to love them to the ends of the earth." That love includes protecting their privacy when appropriate, advocating fiercely when necessary, and walking alongside them as they figure out who they want to tell.

Looking for practical next steps? Explore faith-based support options for gender confusion that keep your family connected while honoring your values.

You don't have to have all the answers today. You simply need to keep the bridge between you and your child standing.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Should I tell my child's teacher about their struggles with sexuality or gender identity?

A: Only if your child wants you to or if their safety requires it. This is your child's story to share. Have a conversation with them first, then make decisions together. If bullying or safety concerns exist, involving school staff is appropriate.

Q: What should I say to teachers if I do decide to inform them?

A: Keep it simple and focused on wellbeing. You don't need to explain your faith journey. Focus on practical matters: "My child may be going through a difficult time. Here's what would help them feel safe at school."

Q: Can teachers be trusted with this information?

A: Every school is different. Many families find counselors and administrators professional and supportive. Research your school's policies, start with trusted staff, and set clear boundaries about confidentiality.

Q: What if my child is being bullied at school?

A: Document every incident. Request meetings with administrators. Make clear that your child's safety is your priority. You have every right to advocate for protection, regardless of anyone's personal beliefs.

Q: Do I have to tell extended family or church members at the same time?

A: No. These are separate decisions on different timelines. Many families give themselves space to process before expanding the circle. There's no requirement to tell everyone at once.