Quick Takeaways

• "Conversion therapy" doesn't bring families together. For many Christian parents, it created wounds that took years to heal.

• The parents who found their way back share one turning point: choosing love over the fear these programs exploit.

• Real reconciliation is not a program. It is a daily practice of listening, showing up, and trusting your own parental instincts.

• Families who got their children back share one warning: no outside program knows your child better than you do.

When the Damage Is Already Done

Most Christian parents who pursued "conversion therapy" were acting out of fear and love, and a profound misunderstanding of what these programs do.

Paulette Trimmer was one of those parents. A faithful Pentecostal Christian, she and her husband enrolled their son Adam in multiple programs aimed at changing his same-sex attraction. They believed they were honoring their faith and protecting their child.

"People don't realize how damaging this therapy is," Paulette said in testimony submitted to the U.S. Supreme Court in Chiles v. Salazar, "not only to the person going through it, but to the parents. When Adam turned against us, it broke our hearts."

The bond that should have been their greatest strength had been turned against them by people claiming to help.

The Turning Point No Program Can Manufacture

Reconciliation doesn't come from a program. It comes from a decision.

Paulette put her foot down when Adam begged to attend a third program. "I said, 'No. I don't know what they're teaching you, but it's killing our relationship with you.'"

That parental instinct may have saved Adam's life. Years later, watching the film as a family, Adam said: "That's the place I was begging you to let me go. Thank you for not letting me go there."

"Today, my mom and I have a restored relationship that 'conversion therapy' tried to take away from us," Adam says now. "And it has been powerful to reconnect with her."

Paulette's warning is direct: "These programs don't change who your child is. They change how your child sees you. And that damage can take years to undo."

When the Road Back Closes Too Soon

Not every family gets that moment, as accounts shared by Christian families make clear.

Linda Robertson, a conservative evangelical mother, spent six years pursuing "conversion therapy" for her son Ryan, unaware of its long history of causing family harm. He memorized scripture, prayed, and did everything asked of him. Nothing changed except that he learned to hate himself.

In Ryan's final ten months, Linda's family learned to love him without conditions. "We learned to love whoever our son loved," she says. "What I had been so afraid of became a blessing."

Hers is one of many families who deeply regret this path. "The therapy didn't fail because Ryan failed," Linda says. "It failed because it was based on a lie."

What Faith Actually Requires

Brandon Boulware, a Christian father, never enrolled his daughter in a program. He spent years forcing her to live against how she saw herself, watching her withdraw and stop smiling. When he and his wife stopped, the change was immediate.

"I now have a confident, smiling, happy daughter," he testified before Missouri lawmakers in 2021.

That transformation required no practitioner. It required a parent willing to listen.

Paulette still attends her Pentecostal church. Her faith hasn't wavered, but her understanding of what it requires has. "I love God, I am not going to change that. And I love my son, and I'm not going to change that."

A solution that divides families is not a solution at all. These parents found their way back by returning to the part of their faith that had been there all along.

FAQs

Q: Can a family recover after "conversion therapy"? Yes, but recovery takes time and is rarely complete. The Trimmers spent years rebuilding after two programs left Adam alienated from his parents. Paulette describes their family as "one of the lucky ones.” Not every family gets their child back.

Q: What do Christian parents say about keeping their faith while choosing to stand by a gay or transgender child? Paulette Trimmer, a faithful Pentecostal, puts it plainly: "I love God, I am not going to change that. And I love my son, and I'm not going to change that."

Q: What actually starts the healing process after "conversion therapy" fails? In nearly every documented account, healing begins with a parental decision, not a program. Paulette refused Adam's request for a third program. Brandon Boulware stopped enforcing behavior that silenced his daughter's spirit. In each case, healing began when a parent trusted their own instincts.

Q: How does "conversion therapy" specifically damage the parent-child relationship? Practitioners often position themselves as a child's primary confidant, displacing the parent. Robert Cottrell, who testified in Chiles v. Salazar, warned that family bonds may never fully recover: "The very words 'father' and 'mother' can become triggers for tremendous pain."

Q: Where can Christian families find support for rebuilding their relationship with a gay or transgender child? Organizations including FreedHearts, PFLAG's faith-aligned resources, and Fortunate Families offer guidance designed for Christian parents. These resources help families stay rooted in their faith while showing kindness to their children, without the costs and harms tied to "conversion therapy" programs.