Quick Takeaways

• Christian parents who pursued conversion therapy for their children consistently describe profound regret, with some families experiencing permanent loss

• Conversion therapy often damages the very family bonds parents hoped to protect, teaching children to blame and distrust the parents who sent them

• Faithful Christians can love God and love their children without resorting to practices that tear families apart

When Christian parents learn their child is gay or transgender, the desire to help can feel overwhelming. Many turn to conversion therapy believing it offers a path to wholeness for their child and peace for their family. But what happens after? Do families find the healing they were promised?

The answer, according to Christian parents who've lived through it, is a resounding no.

In sworn testimony submitted to the U.S. Supreme Court in the case Chiles v. Salazar, multiple Christian families came forward to share their experiences. Their stories differ in the details, but they share a devastating common thread: every parent profoundly regrets the decision to pursue conversion therapy.

Linda Robertson: "Just Because He Breathes"

Linda Robertson was a devoted Christian mother who wanted to protect her son Ryan's soul. When Ryan came out at age 12, Linda's fear consumed her. She found what seemed like an answer: therapists, authors, and entire organizations dedicated to helping kids like Ryan "become who God intended them to be."

For years, Ryan underwent various forms of conversion therapy. The result wasn't transformation. It was destruction.

"We had taught Ryan to hate himself," Linda recounted. "So as he began to use drugs, he did so with recklessness and a lack of caution for his own safety that was alarming to everyone who knew him."

Ryan died in 2009 from a drug overdose, turning to substances to cope with the pain that years of conversion therapy caused him. Linda now shares her family's story to help other Christian parents, urging them to "love their children just because they breathe."

"I grieve for what could have been," Linda said, "had we been walking by FAITH instead of by FEAR."

Joyce Calvo: When Faith Leaders Direct Children Away From Parents

Joyce Calvo's daughter, Alana, was devout from a young age. She volunteered with religious sisters, led retreats, and dreamed of becoming a nun. Many called her "the Saint."

At 14, Alana confided to her spiritual director that she was attracted to women. The priest told her not to tell her parents. Over the next seven years, Alana was directed to various "orthodox" Catholic resources aimed at changing her orientation. Her parents were kept in the dark. In 2019, Alana died by suicide after pursuing conversion therapy through the Archdiocese of Denver.

Joyce now speaks publicly to warn other families. Her story illustrates a troubling reality: conversion therapy doesn't just fail to change children. It actively separates them from the parents who love them most.

Paulette Trimmer: "These Programs Don't Change Who Your Child Is"

Paulette Trimmer's son, Adam, came out at 17. Instead of a hug, Paulette responded with scripture. After a suicide attempt, Adam begged his parents to help him afford conversion therapy through Exodus International. Desperate for a solution, the Trimmers scraped together the money.

What followed nearly destroyed their family.

"It killed it," Paulette said of what conversion therapy did to her relationship with Adam. "He didn't want to have anything to do with me." The programs taught Adam that his parents' failings caused him to be gay, turning him against the very people who loved him most.

After years of painful separation, the Trimmers have rebuilt their relationship. Today, Paulette's message to other parents is clear: "These programs don't change who your child is. They change how your child sees you."

Paulette remains a faithful Pentecostal Christian. She hasn't abandoned God. She's simply learned that loving God and loving her son aren't in conflict.

"I love God, I am not going to change that," she said. "And I love my son, and I'm not going to change that."

What These Stories Teach Us

The families who testified before the Supreme Court identified consistent patterns. Conversion therapy isolated children from the most positive supports in their lives: family and faith. It taught children that something was immutably wrong with them and that their parents were to blame. And it charged families thousands of dollars for the privilege.

A solution that divides families is not a solution at all.

These parents aren't abandoning their faith, and they aren't telling you to either. What they've learned is that loving your child and honoring your faith don't require practices that tear families apart.

As Paulette Trimmer put it, "We thought we were choosing faith. But faith would have chosen love."

FAQs

Q: Can Christian parents love their gay or transgender child and still keep their faith?

A: Yes. Christian parents like Linda Robertson and Paulette Trimmer maintained their faith while learning to accept their children.

Q: What are the risks of conversion therapy for families?

A: Conversion therapy often teaches children that their parents caused their sexual orientation, damaging trust and family bonds. Parents report years of estrangement, and some families never fully recover.

Q: What do Christian parents wish they had done differently?

A: Parents consistently expressed wishing they had chosen acceptance over change efforts. Linda Robertson grieves "for what could have been, had we been walking by FAITH instead of by FEAR."