Liz: From Rejecting Her Son to Loving Him Unconditionally

Liz is a Christian mother who did the thing she says she will regret for the rest of her life. When her son, Nick, told her at the start of his second year of college that he was gay, she reacted with words that left him feeling ashamed, unloved, and rejected.

Today, she and Nick have what she calls a wonderful relationship. In a 2014 essay for Believe Out Loud, she explains how they got there, and she is clear that the road was not a straight line.

She tells it as an everyday parent who got it wrong, kept going, and decided to share the story so another parent might not have to learn it the hard way.

Snapshot of This True Story:

• Liz is a Christian mother whose son, Nick, came out to her as gay at the start of his second year of college, and who also told her he did not believe same-sex relationships were sinful.

• She reacted harshly and made Nick feel ashamed, unloved, and rejected. She says she will deeply regret it for the rest of her life.

• Today she and Nick have a wonderful relationship, though she says the path was not linear and she cannot recall every step.

• Her turning point came when she realized how much love and grace it took for Nick to keep seeking a relationship with a mother who was judging him.

• She credits loving counsel, an open-minded Christian conversation group, and a new humility, including asking Nick for forgiveness.

• She shares her story as a warning about how close she came to losing her son, and as hope for anyone who has been deeply hurt or rejected.

• When her essay was published, she had also started a private Facebook support group for moms of LGBTQ children.

The Reaction She Regrets

Liz does not soften her beginning. When Nick came out, she says she reacted horribly. She told her son things a loving mother should never say.

That honesty is the heart of her story. Many parents who read this page will recognize the moment: the shock, the certainty, the words that came out before there was time to think. Liz does not defend hers. She names them, owns them, and then asks the reader to keep going, because the story does not end there.

Nick Never Gave Up

One thing helped more than any other, Liz says: Nick kept fighting for the relationship. Even when he was angry and hurt, he told his family he wanted to stay connected to them. He was not always patient or kind, and he made mistakes, as everyone does, but he did not walk away.

Her own turning point came from an unexpected place. Liz was reading a blog comment from a gay man who said he was tired of being treated as lesser by people who judged his relationships. She realized that in his position, she would probably feel the same way. And she realized something else: it had taken a great deal of love and grace for Nick to keep reaching toward a mother who was judging him.

Within a day or two, she told him so. She thanked him for his grace, and she told him that as his mom, she was proud of him. Looking back, she names the lesson in one line:

"At least one person has to be trying to maintain a relationship."

Nick had carried that weight for a long time. Liz's story suggests that a parent can pick it up.

The People You Ask for Advice Matter

Liz and her husband confided in only a few people at the time, and she says those people kept offering the same message: love Nick and focus on your relationship with him. She remembers it as an invitation to put into practice what she believed God had been teaching her about love.

She is careful not to call this luck. She believes she could just as easily have found voices that urged condemnation. What made the difference, she says, is that she and her husband deliberately sought counsel from people who showed Christ-like love in their own lives. Her advice to other parents is to be thoughtful about who they turn to, because the advice you receive can shape the family you keep.

Humility, and an Apology

The last thing that guided Liz was joining an open-minded Christian conversation group. It gave her a place to work through her doubts and her anger toward God, and to hear sincere followers of Jesus describe a range of views about same-sex relationships. The experience taught her to hold her own beliefs more humbly.

That humility led to an act of courage. Liz went to Nick and asked his forgiveness for behaving as if she had a monopoly on the truth, so convinced she was right and he was wrong. Their relationship changed. They began to have real conversations instead of arguments, to share what they were thinking and feeling, and to actually hear each other.

Why She Tells This Story

Liz shares her story for a reason she states plainly. Her first reaction could have cost her son permanently, and she knows it. She writes that many young people have attempted to take their own lives after being rejected by a parent because of their sexual orientation, and she urges parents to put their relationship with their child above everything else.

The research supports her warning. A landmark Pediatrics study from the Family Acceptance Project found that LGB young adults who reported high levels of family rejection as teenagers were 8.4 times more likely to have attempted suicide and 5.9 times more likely to report high levels of depression than peers from families with little or no rejection.

Liz does not describe conversion therapy in her essay. What she describes is the rejection that conversion therapy turns into a program, and the medical consensus is clear that the practice does not work. Its documented harms include an elevated suicide risk, which is exactly the outcome Liz worked to prevent.

She also writes for anyone who has been rejected. If she could change, she believes anyone can, and she hopes people who have been hurt will know that there is still hope. Her closing invitation is simple and direct: choose love.

Key Lessons from Liz's Story for Parents

Your first reaction is not your last. Liz reacted in a way she deeply regrets, and she still found her way to a wonderful relationship with her son. Starting over is possible.

Someone has to keep the relationship going. Nick carried that weight for years. A parent can take it from their child, and the sooner the better.

Tell your child what you see in them. Liz's turning point came when she thanked Nick for his grace and told him she was proud of him. Simple, honest words can reopen a door.

Choose your counselors carefully. The advice you receive shapes the family you keep. Seek out people who model love, not condemnation.

Humility opens the door to real conversation. Liz asked her son's forgiveness for acting as if she held all the answers. That apology turned arguments into conversations.

Rejection carries real risk. Family rejection is one of the strongest predictors of harm to LGBTQ young people. Putting your relationship with your child first is a protective act.

If you or a young person you know is struggling or thinking about suicide, help is available. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is reachable by call or text at 988, and The Trevor Project offers support specifically for LGBTQ+ young people.

Share Your Own Story

If this account resonated with you and you'd like to share your story, please feel free to share your own experiences surrounding conversion therapy in any capacity. We look forward to hearing your story.