Jamie Bruesehoff: Raising a Transgender Daughter in Faith

Jamie Bruesehoff is a lifelong Lutheran, a pastor's wife, and a mother of three. Jamie's husband is a Lutheran pastor in the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA), and for this family, church is not a backdrop. It is home. So when their oldest child, Rebekah, grew into her identity as a transgender girl, the question was not only how to support her. It was whether their faith community would.

They did not leave. The family lived this journey openly inside their own congregation, where Rebekah was welcomed. Jamie went on to write Raising Kids Beyond the Binary, a guide for religious families who want to support the trans, gender diverse, and gender-nonconforming children in their lives.

Jamie's story is for the parent who is frightened for a transgender child and afraid that faith and support cannot live side by side. Drawing on their own family's experience, Jamie's answer is that they can, and that a child's well-being may depend on it.

Snapshot of This True Story:

• Jamie Bruesehoff is a lifelong Lutheran, a clergy spouse, and the author of Raising Kids Beyond the Binary, a guide for religious families supporting trans and gender-diverse kids.

• Jamie's husband is a Lutheran pastor in the ELCA, and the family has lived their journey publicly within their own church community.

• Before Rebekah transitioned, her parents watched her grow more anxious, more uncomfortable in her body, and more depressed. By age seven, she was a child in crisis.

• With the help of professionals and a lot of learning, the family made space for Rebekah to explore her identity, and they came to understand that she is a girl.

• At eight, Rebekah began living as herself with a new name and pronouns, and her parents saw a confident, joyful child emerge.

• Rather than leaving the church, the family stayed, set clear ground rules for their congregation, and became advocates from inside it.

• Jamie's message to parents: you may have to choose between your child and a particular church, but you never have to choose between your child and your faith.

A Child in Crisis

Rebekah was not always the thriving kid she is now. In an essay on Medium, Jamie describes the years before Rebekah transitioned. Her parents watched her grow increasingly anxious and uncomfortable in her own body, and confused about her place in the world. Depression followed.

By age seven, Rebekah was a child in crisis, and Jamie writes that she and her husband had never been so frightened. It was the moment that forced them to stop guessing and start listening.

With the support of excellent professionals and a great deal of learning, they gave Rebekah room to unpack her identity. Together, they came to realize that Rebekah was not a boy. She was a girl. At eight, the family changed her name and pronouns, and she began living as herself in the world. The shift was striking. Rebekah became a confident, happy kid whose joy was visible to everyone around her.

What the Research Says About Support

Jamie's experience reflects what researchers have found. A 2016 Pediatrics study of socially transitioned transgender children, who were supported to live openly as their gender, found no elevations in depression and only slightly elevated anxiety compared with population averages.

A separate study points to something even simpler. Researchers found that transgender youth who could use their chosen name in more settings had lower rates of depression, suicidal thoughts, and suicidal behavior, with the lowest rates among those who could use it at home, at school, at work, and with friends. Sometimes protection looks like getting a name right.

Staying in the Church

Walking away from a congregation can feel like the only option. The Bruesehoffs stayed, and they did it deliberately.

According to The 19th, they took a measured approach to sharing Rebekah's identity at church. Once Rebekah was ready, they shared information slowly, giving people time to adjust, ask questions, and have their first reactions, all away from Rebekah. They set simple ground rules. People did not have to agree or endorse anything, but they did need to use Rebekah's name and pronouns, and any questions belonged with her parents, not with her.

They also knew that most of their congregation had never knowingly met a trans or nonbinary person. So they were willing to educate the community without making Rebekah the teacher.

The approach gave Rebekah something she describes plainly. "Transitioning has allowed me to fully explore my faith," she told The 19th. Rebekah has also said that others' views have sometimes made her struggle with how to show her faith, which is a reminder that welcome in one room does not erase hostility in the wider world.

Created in God's Image

For parents who fear that supporting a transgender child means abandoning Scripture, Jamie speaks with the voice of someone who has done both. Jamie does not claim to have every answer. In the Medium essay, Jamie writes:

"We may not entirely understand the science... but we know that God created each and every one of us in God's own image."

That humility sits at the center of the story. Jamie does not ask parents to understand everything before they act. In the essay, Jamie writes that God does not love Rebekah in spite of her gender identity, and that this is who God created her to be. In The 19th, Jamie goes further and says that nothing in faith, in the God who created us, or in Jesus contradicts loving and supporting a transgender child.

The Alternative Carries Real Risk

The path Jamie rejected is not a neutral one. A 2020 study in JAMA Psychiatry, drawing on nearly 28,000 transgender adults, linked efforts to change gender identity to severe psychological distress and a higher risk of suicide attempts. That fits a broader pattern. Conversion therapy has been found ineffective and harmful, the medical consensus stands firmly against it, and its documented harms include an elevated suicide risk.

Jamie's family chose a different path, and they have lived what that path can look like.

Advocating From Inside

Jamie's work did not stop at their own congregation. Jamie writes that Christians who support LGBTQ+ people have too often done so quietly, and argues that silence helps those working against them. That belief is part of why the family has been so public. In 2017, Jamie's husband was one of nearly 2,000 faith leaders who signed an amicus brief supporting Gavin Grimm and the rights of transgender students in a Supreme Court case.

Jamie also offers parents something gentle. They do not have to have it all figured out right now. It is fine to feel overwhelmed and scared, but those feelings are best worked through with other adults, not by asking the child to carry them. The goal is a home where a child never has to take care of their parents' fears.

If you are in the place Jamie once was, the story offers a straightforward invitation: listen to your child, trust that your faith is large enough to hold them, and know that you are not the first parent to walk this road.

Key Lessons from Jamie's Story for Parents

When your child is in crisis, listen. The moment that changed everything for Jamie's family was the moment they stopped assuming and started listening. A child's distress is information, not defiance.

Support is protective. Research shows that transgender children who are supported in their identities show typical rates of depression, and that using a young person's chosen name is linked to lower rates of suicidal thoughts and behavior. Affirming your child is not a risk. The evidence points the other way.

You do not have to choose between your child and your faith. You may be asked to choose between your child and a particular church. Jamie's family shows that the faith itself can remain.

Set ground rules for your community. People do not have to agree. They do need to use your child's name and pronouns, and direct their questions to you, not to your child.

You do not need all the answers. Jamie does not claim to understand everything about why people are transgender. What Jamie does know is that every person is created in God's image, and that is enough to begin.

Take care of your own feelings elsewhere. It is okay to be scared. Lean on other adults to work through it so your child is not asked to comfort you.

If you or a young person you know is struggling or thinking about suicide, help is available. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is reachable by call or text at 988, and The Trevor Project offers support specifically for LGBTQ+ young people.

Share Your Own Story

If this account resonated with you and you'd like to share your story, please feel free to share your own experiences surrounding conversion therapy in any capacity. We look forward to hearing your story.