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HOW TO FIND A THERAPIST WHO WON'T
TRY TO CHANGE YOUR CHILD
Quick Takeaways:
A safe therapist helps your child feel steady, understood, and connected to your family. Their goal is never to change who your child is.
Ask directly: "Will anything we do here try to change my child's sexual orientation or gender identity?" If the answer is yes, that is conversion therapy, whatever it is called.
Verify the license yourself. Every licensed provider can give you a license type and number you can look up on your state board.
Faith and safety are not opposites. A good therapist can honor your family's beliefs and still follow the standards that keep your child well.
Cost should not be the barrier. Sliding-scale networks and training clinics make care possible for most families.
What does a therapist who won't try to change your child actually do?
A supportive therapist treats your child as a whole person, not a problem to be fixed. Their work is to reduce anxiety, build resilience, and strengthen the bond between your child and your family. They do not set "change" as the goal, and they do not treat a child's identity as an illness.
This is the settled position of medicine. Every major medical and mental health association in the United States, including the American Psychological Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, and the American Medical Association, rejects any therapy that tries to change a young person's sexual orientation or gender identity, and warns that such efforts cause harm. You can read more about what conversion therapy is and about why every major medical group agrees.
One caution before you start. Conversion therapy sometimes travels under gentler names, such as "exploratory," "reintegrative," or "reparative" therapy. The label is not the test. The test is the goal. If the aim is to change your child, it is conversion therapy no matter what it is called.
What questions should you ask before you choose a therapist?
Ask these five questions in a first call or first session. A trustworthy provider will welcome them.
Are you licensed, and by which state board? A clear answer lets you verify their credentials.
What would your goal be for my child? Listen for coping, growth, and family connection, not change.
Will anything we do here try to change my child's sexual orientation or gender identity? A safe provider will say no without hesitation.
Do you follow the guidance of the major medical associations on this? The answer should be a plain yes.
How do you work with families of faith? A good answer respects your beliefs while keeping your child's well-being first.
If you would like language for the conversation at home first, we have written words for that conversation you can adapt.
What are the warning signs of a therapist who might try to change your child?
Trust your instincts, and watch for these signs:
They set change as a goal, or promise to reduce same-sex attraction or resolve what they call gender confusion.
They describe their work as "exploratory," "reintegrative," or "reparative" therapy, names that conversion therapy often hides behind.
They treat your child's identity as an addiction, a phase to correct, or the result of trauma or of something a parent did wrong.
They rely on shame, secrecy, or pulling your child away from people who love them.
They avoid direct questions or will not give you a license number.
They guarantee a result, or ask for a large sum tied to a promised outcome. No honest provider can promise that.
If you see these signs in a provider your child has already seen, it is not too late, and you have options. See how to report a provider and protect your family.
How do you check that a therapist is licensed and in good standing?
Find the license type
It usually appears after the provider's name, such as LPC for a licensed professional counselor, LCSW for a licensed clinical social worker, LMFT for a licensed marriage and family therapist, or PhD or PsyD for a psychologist.
Find the right state board
Different professions are overseen by different boards, even within the same state. Search for "[your state] board of" plus the profession.
Search by name or license number
Most boards have an online lookup that returns the license status and the date it expires.
Check for disciplinary actions
Serious complaints that led to discipline are often posted on the same record.
For online sessions:
use the board in the state where your child will be located during the appointment, not where the provider lives.
If you cannot find the license:
ask the provider directly for the type, number, and state. A licensed professional will tell you without hesitation.
Where can you find a therapist you can trust?
No directory can promise a perfect match, so use these to build a short list, then ask the five questions above.
Psychology Today, Find a Therapist. The largest directory. You can filter by location and specialty and read each provider's own description of their approach before you call.
APA Psychologist Locator. A search tool for licensed psychologists, run by the American Psychological Association.
Your child's pediatrician. Pediatricians follow the American Academy of Pediatrics, which supports young people and rejects efforts to change them. A referral from a trusted doctor is a strong starting point.
GLMA provider directory. A national association of health professionals that maintains a directory of members experienced in caring for families like yours.
Inclusive Therapists. A directory that emphasizes respectful, culturally responsive care and lets you search by need.
The Family Acceptance Project. A research center whose materials, including faith-based resources, help families support a child and find informed providers.
You can also use our free guide for families as you begin.
What if you cannot afford therapy?
Cost keeps many families from getting help, and it does not have to. Several paths make care affordable.
Open Path Psychotherapy Collective. A nonprofit network of licensed therapists who offer reduced fees. Membership is a one-time fee of about 65 dollars, and sessions then run about 40 to 70 dollars each, with student intern sessions near 30 dollars. It serves families who lack adequate insurance and earn under a set income.
Community mental health centers. Public centers in most counties offer services on a sliding scale based on income.
University training clinics. Programs that train counselors and psychologists often provide low-cost sessions with supervised clinicians.
Insurance and Medicaid. If you have coverage, ask for the behavioral health line on your card and request in-network providers who see young people.
Free crisis support. For any urgent need, 988 and the Trevor Project are always free and confidential.
How do you bring faith into the search?
You do not have to choose between your faith and your child's safety. The two belong together, and a good therapist can hold both.
A provider who respects your family can honor your beliefs, welcome your questions about faith, and still follow the standards that keep your child well. When you ask how a therapist works with families of faith, you are not looking for someone who will change your child to fit a belief. You are looking for someone who will care for your child within the love your faith already calls you to.
Some families find it helpful to talk with a trusted pastor or church leader as they search. The Family Acceptance Project offers faith-based materials written for exactly this moment, and many parents find that the truest expression of their faith is simply staying close to their child. If a past experience left wounds to mend, you may find comfort in the stories of other families and in the difference between the myths and the facts, which we lay out in plain terms in Myths and Facts.
What if a provider has already tried to change your child?
If your child has already been through this, please hear the most important thing first. It is not too late, and this is not the end of your child's story. Supportive care can help a young person heal, and warm, steady family love is the strongest protection there is.
You also have every right to act. You can report a provider who tried to change your child, and our guide to how to report it walks you through each step.
Choosing your child now is what matters, and there are people ready to help you do it.
Frequently Asked Questions
What kind of therapist is safe for a child who is gay or transgender?
A licensed therapist who follows the guidance of the major medical associations, whose goal is to help your child cope and grow rather than change, and whose license you can verify with your state board. Ask directly whether any part of their work aims to change your child. A safe provider will say no.
Is "exploratory therapy" the same as conversion therapy?
It can be. Conversion therapy sometimes uses gentler names like "exploratory," "reintegrative," or "reparative" therapy. The name is not the test. If the goal is to change your child's sexual orientation or gender identity, it is conversion therapy no matter what it is called.
Can a Christian counselor still be safe for my child?
Yes. Faith and safety are not opposites. A provider can respect your family's beliefs and still follow the standards that protect your child. What matters is the goal. A safe counselor helps your child feel steady and loved, and never tries to change who your child is.
How do I know if a therapist is licensed?
Find their license type, such as LPC, LCSW, LMFT, or psychologist, then search your state licensing board for that profession by name or license number. The record shows whether the license is active and whether there has been any discipline. If you cannot find it, ask the provider directly.
How much does therapy cost if we don't have insurance?
Less than many families expect. Open Path Collective offers licensed therapists at reduced rates after a one-time membership fee, community mental health centers use sliding scales, and university training clinics offer low-cost sessions. For urgent needs, 988 and the Trevor Project are free.
What should I do if a therapist suggests trying to change my child?
End the relationship and look for a supportive provider using the questions on this page. You can also report the provider to the state board that licensed them, and you can share what happened through our reporting tools.
Sources and Further Reading
Find and verify a provider
Psychology Today, Find a Therapist: psychologytoday.com
APA Psychologist Locator: locator.apa.org
Association of State and Provincial Psychology Boards: asppb.net
Affordable care
Open Path Psychotherapy Collective: openpathcollective.org
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988
The Trevor Project: (866) 488-7386, text START to 678-678
The medical consensus
American Psychological Association: apa.org
Why every major medical group agrees: /education/why-do-major-medical-associations-oppose-conversion-therapy
From Conversion Truth for Families
What conversion therapy is: /education/conversion-therapy-explained
Myths and facts: /conversion-therapy-myths-vs-truths
How to report it: /report-conversion-therapy
Report a provider: /report-a-provider
The free guide for families: /free-guide