Welcome to The Christian Family Companion
Part 1: When Your Child First Shares Their Struggle (Day One)
This is the day you never expected. Your child, who you've loved since before they took their first breath, has just told you something that's turned your understanding of their world upside down. Maybe they shared that they're attracted to people of the same sex. Maybe they said they're struggling with gender confusion. However they put it, you're now sitting with information that feels impossible to wrap your head around.
This guide is for Day One – the first 24 hours after your child shares their struggle. It's designed to help you understand what you're likely going through, what to expect from yourself and others, and most importantly, what you can do right now to steady yourself so you can be present for your child and your family.
You don't need to have all the answers today. You don't need to know the perfect thing to say or do. What matters most in this moment is that you breathe, ground yourself in your faith and love for your child, and take this one day at a time.
What To Expect
What You Can Do
What to Expect: Day One
What You Might Feel Inside
What to Expect from the Outside World
Your Child Is Watching You Real Close
They've likely been working up the courage to tell you for a long time. Right now, they're watching your reaction like a hawk. They're scared you'll reject them. They're hoping you'll still love them. Your first response matters – not because you need to be perfect, but because they need to know they're still your child and you're still their parent.
Your Spouse May React Different Than You
If you're co-parenting, your wife or husband might have a completely different reaction than you do. One of you might feel like you need to talk everything through right this minute; the other might need silence and space. One might feel angry while the other feels sad. This is normal. Give each other some grace here.
Extended Family Questions (If They Know)
If any extended family members learn about this quickly, you might get questions or comments before you're ready to handle them. It's okay to say, "We're processing this as a family right now," and leave it at that.
Your Child Might Also Be Going Through It
Remember, if this was hard for you to hear, it's been weighing on them – possibly for a good long while. They might be relieved to have told you, or they might be terrified of what happens next. They're likely experiencing their own emotional storm.
The Urge to "Fix" This Right Away
You might feel pressure to find solutions immediately, to research answers, to call professionals, or to make decisions about what comes next. While gathering information comes naturally, rushing to "solve" this on Day One often creates more problems than it solves.
What You Can Do
Practical Steps for Day One
Breathe.
Right now, before you do anything else, take five slow, deep breaths.
Breathe in for a count of four
Hold for a count of four
Breathe out for a count of six
Do this five times
This isn't just about "calming down." Deep breathing tells your nervous system that you're safe, letting your brain think more clearly instead of running on pure panic. Do this as many times as you need today whenever you feel overwhelmed.
Tell Your Child You Love Them
Even if you don't know what else to say, make sure your child hears these words from you today: "I love you.”
You don't have to have all the answers right now. You don't have to pretend you're not struggling with this information. But your child needs to know that your love for them didn’t just vanish.
If you've already had a negative initial reaction – if you said things in shock or anger that you wish you could take back – it's not too late. Go back to your child and say, "I'm sorry for how I reacted. I was surprised and didn't respond well. I love you, and I'm going to work through this because you matter to me."
3, Give Yourself Space for Your Feelings (Away from Your Child)
Find time today when you can be alone with your emotions. This might mean:
Taking a walk by yourself
Sitting in your car for 20 minutes
Going to your room and closing the door
Standing in the shower and letting yourself cry
Your child doesn't need to see every emotion you're processing. That doesn't mean hiding your struggle entirely, but it does mean not making them responsible for managing your feelings. They shared something vulnerable with you; don't put the weight of your emotional response on their shoulders.
Pray (But Think About How You Pray)
Many parents have immediately turned to prayer after learning this news, which is completely right and good. However, think about the focus of your prayers today:
Pray for God to give you wisdom, strength, and peace. Pray for your relationship with your child to stay strong. Pray for guidance on how to love well right now.
But don’t pray for your child to be "fixed" or “go back to how they were before.”
If you are praying to God to make your child different, your child could pick up on that.
Don't Make Any Big Decisions Today
You don't need to call every family member today. You don't need to research every article on the internet today. You don't need to have a family meeting today.
Give yourself permission to simply sit with this information for 24 hours before taking action steps. Decisions made in panic rarely serve anyone well.
Write Down Three Things That Haven't Changed
When everything feels like it's shifting, it helps to name what's still solid ground. On a piece of paper, write down three things that are still true:
"My child is still the same person I loved yesterday."
"I am still their parent, and I am capable of loving them through hard things."
"God doesn't make mistakes, and that includes my child."
Look at this list every time you start spiraling today.
Reach Out to One Trusted Person (If You Need To)
If you need to talk to someone today, choose carefully. Pick one person who will:
Listen without judgment
Keep this conversation just between you
Not immediately offer advice or try to "fix" things
Support you without tearing down your child
This might be a close friend, a pastor you trust, or another parent who's walked through something similar. If you don't have someone like this right now, that's okay—you can process alone with God for today.
Don't reach out to: someone who will panic with you, someone who will say harmful things about your child, or someone who will immediately pressure you to take specific actions.
Keep Tonight's Routine Normal
As much as possible, keep tonight's routine just like always:
Eat dinner together if that's what you usually do
Watch TV or do whatever your family typically does in the evening
Say goodnight the way you usually do
Normal routines provide something steady when everything else feels shaky. They remind your child (and you) that they're still part of this family, and life goes on even when things are hard.
Try This Before Bed Tonight
Before you try to sleep tonight, do this simple exercise:
Name 5 things you can see in the room
Name 4 things you can physically touch
Name 3 things you can hear
Name 2 things you can smell
Name 1 thing you're grateful for
This brings you back to right now instead of letting your mind race into tomorrow, next week, or next year.
Remember: Day One Doesn't Define Everything
However you're feeling right now—whatever you said or didn't say, whatever emotions you're swimming in—this isn't the end of the story. You're going to have many more conversations with your child. You're going to learn and grow through this.
Give yourself grace today. You're doing the best you can with information that's hard to receive. That's enough for Day One.
What's Next
Tomorrow starts Week One, which we'll talk about in Part 2 of this guide. During Week One, you'll start building some calm and confidence back into your family's routine while you process this new reality. For now, just focus on getting through today.
Before you close this guide, take one more deep breath. You love your child. They're still your child. And you're going to figure out how to walk through this together, one day at a time.
Reality Check
About "Conversion Therapy"
You might be feeling desperate for solutions right now. You might be tempted to seek out folks who promise they can help your child "overcome" their struggles or "get back to" who you thought they were.
Please know: these practices don't work. Decades of research show that attempts to change a person's orientation or sense of who they are inside fail to produce what they promise and often cause real harm—increased anxiety, depression, damaged family relationships, and in the worst cases, thoughts of self-harm.
Major medical organizations have spoken out against these approaches. Even conservative religious groups that once supported them have stepped back as the evidence of harm became impossible to ignore.
Your child can't be talked out of who they are any more than you could be talked out of who you are. Trying to change them won't bring peace to your family—it will create distance between you and the child you love.
On Day One, resist the urge to find quick fixes. What your child needs most is your presence, your love, and your commitment to walking with them through this difficult season—not someone selling false hope.
Remember: You don't have to be perfect today. You just have to be present. One day at a time, one breath at a time, one prayer at a time. You can do this.
Part 2 - Building Calm and Confidence in Your Family's Routine (Week One)
Part 3 - Re-Centering Family Roles and Outside Support (Month One)
Part 4 - Sustaining Strength and Hope in Your Home Over Time (Year One)