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Part 3

Welcome to The Christian Family Companion

Part 3: Re-Centering Family Roles and Outside Support (Month One)

You've made it through Day One. That alone is something worth recognizing. 

You've made it through the first few weeks. The immediate shock has probably eased up some, though you still have rough days. You've started finding your footing again, keeping up with routines, and maybe even having moments where this feels manageable.

Now you're entering Month One – roughly three to five weeks after your child first shared their struggle. This phase is about re-centering: figuring out how your family works in the aftermath, getting clear on roles and boundaries, and thoughtfully deciding if and when to bring in outside support.

Month One is when you move from just-getting-by mode into a more sustainable approach. You're not just surviving day to day anymore; you're starting to build a framework for how your family will walk through this long-term.

This doesn't mean you've got everything figured out. But it does mean you're ready to make some intentional decisions about structure, support, and next steps – decisions you couldn't make effectively in those first raw days.

Table of contents

Table of contents

Where You've Been

Before moving forward, let's take stock of what you've come through. Over the past few weeks, you've likely:

Had multiple conversations with your child, some easier than others

Had multiple conversations with your child, some easier than others

Had multiple conversations with your child, some easier than others

Dealt with your own up-and-down emotions—some days better, some harder

Dealt with your own up-and-down emotions—some days better, some harder

Dealt with your own up-and-down emotions—some days better, some harder

Kept your family's routines going even when it was difficult

Kept your family's routines going even when it was difficult

Kept your family's routines going even when it was difficult

Maybe told a few people you trust about what's happening

Maybe told a few people you trust about what's happening

Maybe told a few people you trust about what's happening

Started noticing how this affects other relationships in your family

Started noticing how this affects other relationships in your family

Started noticing how this affects other relationships in your family

Done some research or gathered information, though you might still feel confused

Done some research or gathered information, though you might still feel confused

Done some research or gathered information, though you might still feel confused

Had moments of real connection with your child alongside moments of tension

Had moments of real connection with your child alongside moments of tension

Had moments of real connection with your child alongside moments of tension

Realized this isn't something that will clear up quickly

Realized this isn't something that will clear up quickly

Realized this isn't something that will clear up quickly

You've been through a lot in a short time. Give yourself credit for how far you've come. The fact that you're here, still engaged and still showing up for your family, says something real about your strength and your commitment.

What To Expect

You Might Feel Inside

Being Bone Tired

Processing intense emotions is exhausting work. You might find yourself more physically drained than usual, needing extra rest, or struggling to focus on everyday tasks. This is your body's way of coping with stress.

Your Mood Going Up and Down

One moment you might feel hopeful and capable, the next moment overwhelmed and scared. You might have stretches where this doesn't seem so bad, followed by waves of grief or anxiety. These ups and downs are part of processing difficult news.

Watching Your Child More Closely
You might find yourself paying extra attention to your child—noticing their behavior, looking for signs they're okay or not okay, or trying to "read" how they're doing. While natural, be careful this doesn't turn into watching their every move or making your child feel like they're under a microscope.

Wishing You'd Said Something Different

You might replay the initial conversation over and over, wishing you'd reacted differently or said something else. Many parents beat themselves up about their first response. Remember: you can't change what happened, but you can control what happens from here on out.

Wanting Answers

You probably want to understand. What caused this? What does the future look like? What should you do? This desire to understand is healthy, but be careful about going down rabbit holes of information that make you more anxious rather than giving you clarity.

Second-Guessing Everything

You might find yourself reviewing your child's entire history, looking for "signs" you missed or trying to figure out when this started. While some reflection is natural, don't get stuck in the past. Your energy is better spent on right now and what's ahead.

What to Expect from the Outside World

Your Child May Be Anxious

They've been carrying this secret, possibly for a good long while. Now that it's out in the open, they're likely worried about how things will change. They might be testing whether you still accept them or whether you're treating them differently.

Other Kids In Your Home May Notice Something's Up

If you have other children, they can sense when something's off, even if they don't know what it is. Be ready for questions like "Is everything okay?" or "Why has everyone been acting weird?"

Your Relationship With Your Spouse May Feel Strained
If you're co-parenting, you and your partner might be coping in different ways or on different timelines. One of you might want to talk constantly; the other might need more time to process. This can create tension if you're not being intentional about giving each other grace.

Extended Family May Start Reaching Out

If any extended family members know what's happening, they might start calling or texting with questions, opinions, or "helpful" advice. Some of this will genuinely support you; some might add to your stress.

Normal Life Still Needs Your Attention

Bills still need paying. Work still needs doing. Other responsibilities don't pause just because you're dealing with something personal. Juggling regular life while emotionally overwhelmed can feel nearly impossible.

Your Child Might Act Like Nothing Happened

Don't be surprised if your child seems to go back to normal pretty quickly. They've had time to process this; for them, telling you was the hard part. Now they might be waiting to see what you do next, not bringing it up themselves.

What You Can Do

Practical Steps for Week One

  1. Start Each Day with "We'll Get Through This"


Every morning this week, before you even get out of bed, say these words out loud or in your head:


"I don't have all the answers, but I have enough for today. I love my child, and I will find a way through this that honors them and our family's values."


This isn't about pretending everything's fine or just thinking positively. It's about anchoring yourself in what's true: you are capable, you do love your child, and you will figure this out one day at a time.

  1. Start Each Day with "We'll Get Through This"


Every morning this week, before you even get out of bed, say these words out loud or in your head:


"I don't have all the answers, but I have enough for today. I love my child, and I will find a way through this that honors them and our family's values."


This isn't about pretending everything's fine or just thinking positively. It's about anchoring yourself in what's true: you are capable, you do love your child, and you will figure this out one day at a time.

  1. Start Each Day with "We'll Get Through This"


Every morning this week, before you even get out of bed, say these words out loud or in your head:


"I don't have all the answers, but I have enough for today. I love my child, and I will find a way through this that honors them and our family's values."


This isn't about pretending everything's fine or just thinking positively. It's about anchoring yourself in what's true: you are capable, you do love your child, and you will figure this out one day at a time.

  1. Pick a Few Daily Things That Ground You


Choose 2-3 things you'll do each day this week to keep yourself centered. These should be simple, doable things. Examples:


  • Read scripture for 10 minutes each morning

  • Take a 15-minute walk before dinner

  • Write in a journal for 5 minutes before bed

  • Pray at the same time each day

  • Do a breathing exercise when you wake up


What matters less than what you pick is doing them consistently. Having these anchors throughout your day gives you something steady when everything else feels uncertain.

  1. Pick a Few Daily Things That Ground You


Choose 2-3 things you'll do each day this week to keep yourself centered. These should be simple, doable things. Examples:


  • Read scripture for 10 minutes each morning

  • Take a 15-minute walk before dinner

  • Write in a journal for 5 minutes before bed

  • Pray at the same time each day

  • Do a breathing exercise when you wake up


What matters less than what you pick is doing them consistently. Having these anchors throughout your day gives you something steady when everything else feels uncertain.

  1. Pick a Few Daily Things That Ground You


Choose 2-3 things you'll do each day this week to keep yourself centered. These should be simple, doable things. Examples:


  • Read scripture for 10 minutes each morning

  • Take a 15-minute walk before dinner

  • Write in a journal for 5 minutes before bed

  • Pray at the same time each day

  • Do a breathing exercise when you wake up


What matters less than what you pick is doing them consistently. Having these anchors throughout your day gives you something steady when everything else feels uncertain.

3,  Have a Light "Check-In" with Your Child

Sometime this week, find a natural moment to check in with your child. Don't make it a big formal sit-down – maybe during a car ride or while washing dishes together.

You might say something like:

"I know we had a big conversation last week. I'm still processing everything, and I might not have all the answers for a while. But I want you to know I'm here, I love you, and we're going to figure this out together. How are you doing with all of this?"

Keep it short. Let them share if they want to, but don't push for a deep conversation if they're not ready. 

The goal is just to keep the lines of communication open and let them know the door's not closed.

  1. Set Some Boundaries Around Looking Things Up


It's easy to spend hours on the internet, reading articles, watching videos, and diving into forums. While gathering information can help, it can also become overwhelming and ramp up your anxiety.


This week, give yourself these limits:

  • Cap your research at 30 minutes per day

  • Pick 1-2 sources you trust instead of reading everything you can find

  • Stay away from comment sections and online debates

  • If you find yourself spiraling, close the browser and walk away


You don't need to become an expert this week. You just need enough information to take the next small step.

  1.  Keep Your Family's Regular Routines Going


As much as possible, stick to your family's regular routines:

  • Eat meals together

  • Keep bedtimes the same

  • Go to scheduled activities (sports, church, etc.)

  • Do whatever your family normally does on weekends


Why this matters: Routine gives everyone comfort and security, especially your child. When your routines stay stable, it signals that they're still part of the family and that this news doesn't change everything.


Even if you're just going through the motions right now, keep going through them. Normalcy on the outside can help create calm on the inside.

  1. Use "Box Breathing" When You Feel Overwhelmed


This week, when anxiety hits hard, use this breathing trick:


  • Breathe in for 4 counts

  • Hold for 4 counts

  • Breathe out for 4 counts

  • Hold for 4 counts

  • Do this 4 times


This takes less than two minutes and can really dial down that acute anxiety in the moment.

  1. Use "Box Breathing" When You Feel Overwhelmed


This week, when anxiety hits hard, use this breathing trick:


  • Breathe in for 4 counts

  • Hold for 4 counts

  • Breathe out for 4 counts

  • Hold for 4 counts

  • Do this 4 times


This takes less than two minutes and can really dial down that acute anxiety in the moment.

  1. Use "Box Breathing" When You Feel Overwhelmed


This week, when anxiety hits hard, use this breathing trick:


  • Breathe in for 4 counts

  • Hold for 4 counts

  • Breathe out for 4 counts

  • Hold for 4 counts

  • Do this 4 times


This takes less than two minutes and can really dial down that acute anxiety in the moment.

  1. Talk to Your Spouse About How You're Each Handling This


If you're co-parenting, have a conversation early this week about how each of you is coping and what you each need. You might ask each other:


  • "What do you need from me right now?"

  • "How can I support you while I'm also struggling?"

  • "What's your biggest fear about all of this?"

  • "Can we agree to give each other grace when we're not at our best?"


Remember: You don't have to handle this the same way or at the same speed. Your spouse might be more emotional or more analytical. They might need to talk it through or need quiet. Honor each other's different styles instead of expecting them to cope the same way you do.

  1. Talk to Your Spouse About How You're Each Handling This


If you're co-parenting, have a conversation early this week about how each of you is coping and what you each need. You might ask each other:


  • "What do you need from me right now?"

  • "How can I support you while I'm also struggling?"

  • "What's your biggest fear about all of this?"

  • "Can we agree to give each other grace when we're not at our best?"


Remember: You don't have to handle this the same way or at the same speed. Your spouse might be more emotional or more analytical. They might need to talk it through or need quiet. Honor each other's different styles instead of expecting them to cope the same way you do.

  1. Talk to Your Spouse About How You're Each Handling This


If you're co-parenting, have a conversation early this week about how each of you is coping and what you each need. You might ask each other:


  • "What do you need from me right now?"

  • "How can I support you while I'm also struggling?"

  • "What's your biggest fear about all of this?"

  • "Can we agree to give each other grace when we're not at our best?"


Remember: You don't have to handle this the same way or at the same speed. Your spouse might be more emotional or more analytical. They might need to talk it through or need quiet. Honor each other's different styles instead of expecting them to cope the same way you do.

  1. Pick One Trusted Person to Talk To (If You Haven't Already)


If you didn't reach out to anyone on Day One, think about identifying one person you can talk to this week – someone who will:


  • Keep your conversation between you

  • Listen without immediately giving advice

  • Support you without being negative about your child

  • Respect that this is your family's journey, not theirs


This might be a close friend, a pastor, a counselor, or another parent who's been through something similar.


Don't feel like you have to tell everyone. You can share this news when you're ready, not when other people think you should be ready. It's perfectly fine to say, "We're working through some family things right now," without giving details.

  1. Pick One Trusted Person to Talk To (If You Haven't Already)


If you didn't reach out to anyone on Day One, think about identifying one person you can talk to this week – someone who will:


  • Keep your conversation between you

  • Listen without immediately giving advice

  • Support you without being negative about your child

  • Respect that this is your family's journey, not theirs


This might be a close friend, a pastor, a counselor, or another parent who's been through something similar.


Don't feel like you have to tell everyone. You can share this news when you're ready, not when other people think you should be ready. It's perfectly fine to say, "We're working through some family things right now," without giving details.

  1. Pick One Trusted Person to Talk To (If You Haven't Already)


If you didn't reach out to anyone on Day One, think about identifying one person you can talk to this week – someone who will:


  • Keep your conversation between you

  • Listen without immediately giving advice

  • Support you without being negative about your child

  • Respect that this is your family's journey, not theirs


This might be a close friend, a pastor, a counselor, or another parent who's been through something similar.


Don't feel like you have to tell everyone. You can share this news when you're ready, not when other people think you should be ready. It's perfectly fine to say, "We're working through some family things right now," without giving details.

  1. Write a Letter You Won't Send


Grab a piece of paper or open a blank document on your computer. Write a letter to your child saying everything you're feeling – the fear, the confusion, the love, the grief, the hope, all of it.


Don't hold back. This letter is for you, not them. Write everything you wish you could say but don't know how, or everything you're feeling but don't want to put on them.


When you're done, you can:

  • Tear it up and throw it away

  • Keep it somewhere private

  • Burn it (safely) as a way of letting it go

  1. Write a Letter You Won't Send


Grab a piece of paper or open a blank document on your computer. Write a letter to your child saying everything you're feeling – the fear, the confusion, the love, the grief, the hope, all of it.


Don't hold back. This letter is for you, not them. Write everything you wish you could say but don't know how, or everything you're feeling but don't want to put on them.


When you're done, you can:

  • Tear it up and throw it away

  • Keep it somewhere private

  • Burn it (safely) as a way of letting it go

  1. Write a Letter You Won't Send


Grab a piece of paper or open a blank document on your computer. Write a letter to your child saying everything you're feeling – the fear, the confusion, the love, the grief, the hope, all of it.


Don't hold back. This letter is for you, not them. Write everything you wish you could say but don't know how, or everything you're feeling but don't want to put on them.


When you're done, you can:

  • Tear it up and throw it away

  • Keep it somewhere private

  • Burn it (safely) as a way of letting it go

  1. Make a List of What Can Wait


Write down things you're feeling pressured to decide or do right now but that can actually wait. Here are some examples of things you might be feeling:


  • Telling extended family members

  • Having a in-depth conversation about the religious implications

  • Making any major changes to routines or rules

  • Looking up every possible outcome online/on social media


Next to each one, write: "This can wait until I'm in a clearer place."

Giving yourself permission to delay decisions takes off the pressure to have everything figured out this week..

  1. Make a List of What Can Wait


Write down things you're feeling pressured to decide or do right now but that can actually wait. Here are some examples of things you might be feeling:


  • Telling extended family members

  • Having a in-depth conversation about the religious implications

  • Making any major changes to routines or rules

  • Looking up every possible outcome online/on social media


Next to each one, write: "This can wait until I'm in a clearer place."

Giving yourself permission to delay decisions takes off the pressure to have everything figured out this week..

  1. Make a List of What Can Wait


Write down things you're feeling pressured to decide or do right now but that can actually wait. Here are some examples of things you might be feeling:


  • Telling extended family members

  • Having a in-depth conversation about the religious implications

  • Making any major changes to routines or rules

  • Looking up every possible outcome online/on social media


Next to each one, write: "This can wait until I'm in a clearer place."

Giving yourself permission to delay decisions takes off the pressure to have everything figured out this week..

What NOT To Do This Week

Don't push for conversations your child isn't ready for. If they're not bringing it up, don't force constant discussion. They might need some space too.

Don't make this the only thing your family talks about. Balance matters. Make room for regular family conversations and activities.

Don't compare your child to others. Fight the urge to say things like, "Why can't you just be like [sibling/friend]?" Comparison creates shame and hurts your relationship.

Don't share this news just because you need to talk. Be strategic about who you tell. Once information is out there, you can't take it back.

Don't turn to drinking or other substances to cope. Using alcohol, medication, or other things to numb difficult emotions will only delay the processing and can create new problems.

Don't expect to have clarity by the end of Week One. You won't have everything figured out, and that's okay.

Dealing With Pressure From Others

During Week One, you might run into folks who have strong opinions about what you should do:

  • Family members who think you need to take action right away

  • Friends who insist you try certain approaches or practitioners

  • People who quote scripture at you without understanding your situation

  • Well-meaning folks who make you feel judged for not responding a certain way


Here's what you can say when you need to:

"We're taking our time to figure out what's best for our family. We appreciate your concern, but we need space to process this ourselves right now."

You don't owe anyone an explanation of your parenting decisions, and you don't have to defend when you're ready to address things. Trust your gut about what your family needs.

Reality Check

About "Quick Fixes" 

During Week One, you might run into people suggesting practitioners, programs, or approaches that promise to "help" your child overcome their struggles. These might be packaged as:

  • "Therapy first" approaches

  • "Exploratory counseling"

  • "Faith-based healing programs"

  • "Christian counseling to address the root cause"


Please be careful. Many of these are just "conversion therapy" dressed up in new clothes – practices that have been thoroughly discredited by major medical and mental health organizations.


These approaches don't work. They can't change who someone is attracted to or how they see themselves inside. What they can do is cause real harm: increased anxiety and depression, damaged parent-child relationships, feelings of shame and self-hatred, and in worst cases, thoughts of self-harm.


Your child doesn't need to be "fixed" this week or any week. What they need is your presence, your love, and your commitment to walking with them through this difficult season. Quick fixes don't exist for something that isn't a problem to be solved but a reality to be navigated with care, wisdom, and faith.

Conversion Truth for Families - Father, teenage son, and Mother all embrace outdoors
Conversion Truth for Families - Father, teenage son, and Mother all embrace outdoors
Conversion Truth for Families - Father, teenage son, and Mother all embrace outdoors

What's Next

Next week, you'll move into Month One, where you'll start thinking more about family roles and outside support. That's what Part 3 of this guide covers.

For now, just focus on getting through this week. Day by day, moment by moment, one breath at a time.

You're building something important this week: the foundation of trust and stability that will carry your family through the months ahead. It might not feel like much right now, but every small step you take toward calm and confidence matters.

Remember: You don't have to be perfect this week. You don't have to know what six months from now will look like. You just have to show up for today, grounded in your love for your child and your faith that there's a way forward. You're doing better than you think you are.

Coming next

Coming next

Coming next

Part 3 - Re-Centering Family Roles and Outside Support (Month One)

Part 4 - Sustaining Strength and Hope in Your Home Over Time (Year One)

Conversion Truth For Families is a set of resources for parents and caregivers seeking alternatives to conversion therapy and reassurance to navigate challenges with faith and clarity. 

Find us on

Conversion Truth For Families is a set of resources for parents and caregivers seeking alternatives to conversion therapy and reassurance to navigate challenges with faith and clarity. 

Find us on

Conversion Truth For Families is a set of resources for parents and caregivers seeking alternatives to conversion therapy and reassurance to navigate challenges with faith and clarity. 

Find us on