Welcome to The Christian Family Companion
Part 2: Building Calm and Confidence in Your Family's Routine (Week One)
You've made it through Day One. That alone is something worth recognizing. You didn't have a roadmap for that conversation, but you got through it, and you're still here, still your child's parent, still committed to your family.
Now you're in Week One, the seven days following that initial conversation. This week is about finding your footing again. The shock is probably still there, but you're starting to move from "This can't be happening" to "This is happening, and I need to figure out how to handle it."
This part of the guide is all about building calm and confidence back into your family's routine during these first critical days. You're not making major decisions this week. The goal isn't to have everything figured out, it's to get a sense of normalcy and safety back for everyone in your family while you're still wrapping your head around this new reality.
What You've Just Been Through
Before we move forward, let's acknowledge what happened in the days right after Day One.
Maybe:
All of this is normal. You're not falling apart; you're processing something big. Give yourself credit for continuing to show up for your family while dealing with your own internal storm.
What to Expect
You Might Feel Inside
Being Bone Tired
Processing intense emotions is exhausting work. You might find yourself more physically drained than usual, needing extra rest, or struggling to focus on everyday tasks. This is your body's way of coping with stress.
Your Mood Going Up and Down
One moment you might feel hopeful and capable, the next moment overwhelmed and scared. You might have stretches where this doesn't seem so bad, followed by waves of grief or anxiety. These ups and downs are part of processing difficult news.
Watching Your Child More Closely
You might find yourself paying extra attention to your child—noticing their behavior, looking for signs they're okay or not okay, or trying to "read" how they're doing. While natural, be careful this doesn't turn into watching their every move or making your child feel like they're under a microscope.
Wishing You'd Said Something Different
You might replay the initial conversation over and over, wishing you'd reacted differently or said something else. Many parents beat themselves up about their first response. Remember: you can't change what happened, but you can control what happens from here on out.
Wanting Answers
You probably want to understand. What caused this? What does the future look like? What should you do? This desire to understand is healthy, but be careful about going down rabbit holes of information that make you more anxious rather than giving you clarity.
Second-Guessing Everything
You might find yourself reviewing your child's entire history, looking for "signs" you missed or trying to figure out when this started. While some reflection is natural, don't get stuck in the past. Your energy is better spent on right now and what's ahead.
What to Expect from the Outside World
Your Child May Be Anxious
They've been carrying this secret, possibly for a good long while. Now that it's out in the open, they're likely worried about how things will change. They might be testing whether you still accept them or whether you're treating them differently.
Other Kids In Your Home May Notice Something's Up
If you have other children, they can sense when something's off, even if they don't know what it is. Be ready for questions like "Is everything okay?" or "Why has everyone been acting weird?"
Your Relationship With Your Spouse May Feel Strained
If you're co-parenting, you and your partner might be coping in different ways or on different timelines. One of you might want to talk constantly; the other might need more time to process. This can create tension if you're not being intentional about giving each other grace.
Extended Family May Start Reaching Out
If any extended family members know what's happening, they might start calling or texting with questions, opinions, or "helpful" advice. Some of this will genuinely support you; some might add to your stress.
Normal Life Still Needs Your Attention
Bills still need paying. Work still needs doing. Other responsibilities don't pause just because you're dealing with something personal. Juggling regular life while emotionally overwhelmed can feel nearly impossible.
Your Child Might Act Like Nothing Happened
Don't be surprised if your child seems to go back to normal pretty quickly. They've had time to process this; for them, telling you was the hard part. Now they might be waiting to see what you do next, not bringing it up themselves.
What You Can Do
Practical Steps for Week One
Start Each Day with "We'll Get Through This"
Every morning this week, before you even get out of bed, say these words out loud or in your head:
"I don't have all the answers, but I have enough for today. I love my child, and I will find a way through this that honors them and our family's values."
This isn't about pretending everything's fine or just thinking positively. It's about anchoring yourself in what's true: you are capable, you do love your child, and you will figure this out one day at a time.
Pick a Few Daily Things That Ground You
Choose 2-3 things you'll do each day this week to keep yourself centered. These should be simple, doable things. Examples:
Read scripture for 10 minutes each morning
Take a 15-minute walk before dinner
Write in a journal for 5 minutes before bed
Pray at the same time each day
Do a breathing exercise when you wake up
What matters less than what you pick is doing them consistently. Having these anchors throughout your day gives you something steady when everything else feels uncertain.
3, Have a Light "Check-In" with Your Child
Sometime this week, find a natural moment to check in with your child. Don't make it a big formal sit-down – maybe during a car ride or while washing dishes together.
You might say something like:
"I know we had a big conversation last week. I'm still processing everything, and I might not have all the answers for a while. But I want you to know I'm here, I love you, and we're going to figure this out together. How are you doing with all of this?"
Keep it short. Let them share if they want to, but don't push for a deep conversation if they're not ready.
The goal is just to keep the lines of communication open and let them know the door's not closed.
Set Some Boundaries Around Looking Things Up
It's easy to spend hours on the internet, reading articles, watching videos, and diving into forums. While gathering information can help, it can also become overwhelming and ramp up your anxiety.
This week, give yourself these limits:
Cap your research at 30 minutes per day
Pick 1-2 sources you trust instead of reading everything you can find
Stay away from comment sections and online debates
If you find yourself spiraling, close the browser and walk away
You don't need to become an expert this week. You just need enough information to take the next small step.
Keep Your Family's Regular Routines Going
As much as possible, stick to your family's regular routines:
Eat meals together
Keep bedtimes the same
Go to scheduled activities (sports, church, etc.)
Do whatever your family normally does on weekends
Why this matters: Routine gives everyone comfort and security, especially your child. When your routines stay stable, it signals that they're still part of the family and that this news doesn't change everything.
Even if you're just going through the motions right now, keep going through them. Normalcy on the outside can help create calm on the inside.
Use "Box Breathing" When You Feel Overwhelmed
This week, when anxiety hits hard, use this breathing trick:
Breathe in for 4 counts
Hold for 4 counts
Breathe out for 4 counts
Hold for 4 counts
Do this 4 times
This takes less than two minutes and can really dial down that acute anxiety in the moment.
Talk to Your Spouse About How You're Each Handling This
If you're co-parenting, have a conversation early this week about how each of you is coping and what you each need. You might ask each other:
"What do you need from me right now?"
"How can I support you while I'm also struggling?"
"What's your biggest fear about all of this?"
"Can we agree to give each other grace when we're not at our best?"
Remember: You don't have to handle this the same way or at the same speed. Your spouse might be more emotional or more analytical. They might need to talk it through or need quiet. Honor each other's different styles instead of expecting them to cope the same way you do.
Pick One Trusted Person to Talk To (If You Haven't Already)
If you didn't reach out to anyone on Day One, think about identifying one person you can talk to this week – someone who will:
Keep your conversation between you
Listen without immediately giving advice
Support you without being negative about your child
Respect that this is your family's journey, not theirs
This might be a close friend, a pastor, a counselor, or another parent who's been through something similar.
Don't feel like you have to tell everyone. You can share this news when you're ready, not when other people think you should be ready. It's perfectly fine to say, "We're working through some family things right now," without giving details.
Write a Letter You Won't Send
Grab a piece of paper or open a blank document on your computer. Write a letter to your child saying everything you're feeling – the fear, the confusion, the love, the grief, the hope, all of it.
Don't hold back. This letter is for you, not them. Write everything you wish you could say but don't know how, or everything you're feeling but don't want to put on them.
When you're done, you can:
Tear it up and throw it away
Keep it somewhere private
Burn it (safely) as a way of letting it go
Make a List of What Can Wait
Write down things you're feeling pressured to decide or do right now but that can actually wait. Here are some examples of things you might be feeling:
Telling extended family members
Having a in-depth conversation about the religious implications
Making any major changes to routines or rules
Looking up every possible outcome online/on social media
Next to each one, write: "This can wait until I'm in a clearer place."
Giving yourself permission to delay decisions takes off the pressure to have everything figured out this week..
What NOT To Do This Week
Don't push for conversations your child isn't ready for. If they're not bringing it up, don't force constant discussion. They might need some space too.
Don't make this the only thing your family talks about. Balance matters. Make room for regular family conversations and activities.
Don't compare your child to others. Fight the urge to say things like, "Why can't you just be like [sibling/friend]?" Comparison creates shame and hurts your relationship.
Don't share this news just because you need to talk. Be strategic about who you tell. Once information is out there, you can't take it back.
Don't turn to drinking or other substances to cope. Using alcohol, medication, or other things to numb difficult emotions will only delay the processing and can create new problems.
Don't expect to have clarity by the end of Week One. You won't have everything figured out, and that's okay.
Dealing With Pressure From Others
During Week One, you might run into folks who have strong opinions about what you should do:
Family members who think you need to take action right away
Friends who insist you try certain approaches or practitioners
People who quote scripture at you without understanding your situation
Well-meaning folks who make you feel judged for not responding a certain way
Here's what you can say when you need to:
"We're taking our time to figure out what's best for our family. We appreciate your concern, but we need space to process this ourselves right now."
You don't owe anyone an explanation of your parenting decisions, and you don't have to defend when you're ready to address things. Trust your gut about what your family needs.
Reality Check
About "Quick Fixes"
During Week One, you might run into people suggesting practitioners, programs, or approaches that promise to "help" your child overcome their struggles. These might be packaged as:
"Therapy first" approaches
"Exploratory counseling"
"Faith-based healing programs"
"Christian counseling to address the root cause"
Please be careful. Many of these are just "conversion therapy" dressed up in new clothes – practices that have been thoroughly discredited by major medical and mental health organizations.
These approaches don't work. They can't change who someone is attracted to or how they see themselves inside. What they can do is cause real harm: increased anxiety and depression, damaged parent-child relationships, feelings of shame and self-hatred, and in worst cases, thoughts of self-harm.
Your child doesn't need to be "fixed" this week or any week. What they need is your presence, your love, and your commitment to walking with them through this difficult season. Quick fixes don't exist for something that isn't a problem to be solved but a reality to be navigated with care, wisdom, and faith.
