Quick Takeaways

• Your first response matters more than having all the answers. Stay calm, stay present, and lead with love.

• You don't have to understand everything right now. What your child needs most is to know you're not going anywhere.

• Research shows that family acceptance dramatically reduces suicide risk and depression in minors who say they are transgender.

• Beware of anyone promising to "fix" or "change" your child. These practices don't work and cause serious harm.

• You can stay rooted in your faith while protecting your child. Thousands of Christian parents have found a path forward that honors both.

When your child tells you they feel different from the way they were born, your whole world can shift in an instant. You're flooded with questions, fears, and uncertainty about what comes next.  You want to do right by your child while staying true to your faith and values. You're not sure whom to trust or where to turn.

If you're feeling overwhelmed right now, you're not alone.

Thousands of Christian parents have stood exactly where you're standing, and many of them have found a way forward that honors both their child's well-being and their family's deepest values.

What Your Child Needs From You Right Now

Before you research, before you call your pastor, before you do anything else, know this: how you respond in these first moments will shape your relationship for years to come.

Your child trusted you with something deeply personal. That took courage. Whatever you're feeling inside, your child needs to see that you're still their parent, still their protector, still on their side.

You don't need perfect words. You just need to show up with love.

Consider saying something like: "Thank you for trusting me with this. I love you, and that's not going to change. I'm going to need time to understand and learn, but I'm here for you."

If you didn't respond well the first time, it's not too late. Go back to your child and say: "I know I didn't respond the way you needed me to. I'm here whenever you're ready to talk. And even if you're not ready to talk, I'm still here. I love you."

Why Your Response Matters So Much

Research from the Family Acceptance Project found that family acceptance dramatically affects outcomes for minors who say they are transgender. When parents respond with rejection, including attempts to change or suppress a child's identity, that child faces significantly higher rates of depression, anxiety, and suicide attempts.

But here's the hopeful news: when families learn to support their children, those risks drop substantially. Your love is protective. Your presence matters. Staying connected with your child isn't abandoning your faith; it's practicing it.

What Not To Do: The Danger of "Change" Promises

When you're scared and searching for answers, you may encounter people promising to "help" your child become who they were "supposed to be." These practices, often marketed under faith-friendly language, go by many names: conversion therapy, sexual orientation change efforts, and reparative therapy.

Walk away if you see any of these warning signs: promises to change or "resolve" your child's identity, pressure to "test" their identity through stress or restriction, shame-based tactics that frame your child's feelings as moral failure, or any lack of evidence-based safety plans.

Linda Robertson, a Christian mother, turned to these approaches when her son came out to her. "I thought I was protecting Ryan, but I was wrong," she shared. "Conversion therapy did nothing to change Ryan's sexuality. Instead, it taught Ryan that he couldn't be accepted or loved by God as he was, and it destroyed his bond with me, the person that he had always trusted the most."

The practices that promised to protect her son contributed to his death of despair at age 20. Linda now shares her story so other parents don't make the same mistake.

Safer First Steps You Can Take This Week

Stay present. Check in with your child regularly, not about "the issue" but just about life. Let them know you're still interested in their day, their friends, their struggles.

Educate yourself. Read and listen to trustworthy sources, not fear-based ones. Look for information grounded in research, not ideology.

Find support. Connect with other Christian parents who have navigated this path. You don't have to carry this alone, but don't process your fear and frustration with your child. Find a trusted friend, pastor, or counselor to help you sort through your own feelings.

Hit pause on "fixing" programs. If anyone is promising to change your child's identity, especially under a Christian label, step back. Get informed before you agree to anything.

Consider family therapy. A therapist can help facilitate conversations and keep everyone feeling heard. Look for someone who focuses on family connection, coping skills, and safety.

A Word to Your Heart

You may be grieving the future you imagined. That grief is real and valid. You may wonder what this means for grandchildren, for weddings, for the life you pictured. You're allowed to feel those feelings.

But don't let your grief steal the relationship you have with your child right now.

You have everything you need to be the parent your child needs in this moment. You have love. You have faith. You have wisdom. Take your oxygen mask. Put it on. And then reach for your child.

You've got this.

FAQs: Questions Christian Parents Ask

Q: Should I try to convince my child they're wrong about how they feel?

A: Research consistently shows that attempts to change or suppress a child's identity don't work and cause serious harm. What protects your child is your love, presence, and acceptance, not your agreement on every theological question. You can have concerns and questions while still affirming that your child is worthy of love exactly as they are.

Q: Does accepting my child mean abandoning my faith?

A: No. Many Christian families have found ways to stay rooted in their faith while supporting their child. Acceptance doesn't mean you have all the theological answers figured out. It means your child knows you love them and won't abandon them while you're all figuring things out together.

Q: What if my spouse and I disagree about how to respond?

A: This is common. The most important thing is to present a united front to your child so they don't feel responsible for the tension in your marriage. Talk through what you're each feeling and afraid of, and agree not to make major decisions without discussing them together first.

Q: How do I know if a therapist or counselor is safe?

A: Look for therapists who focus on family connection, coping skills, and safety rather than changing your child's identity. Avoid anyone who promises to "resolve" or "fix" how your child sees themselves. Ask questions before committing, and trust your instincts if something feels off.

Q: Will my child "grow out of it"?

A: Some children's understanding of themselves evolves over time; for others, it remains stable. You can't control that, and trying to force an outcome will only damage your relationship. What you can control is keeping the connection strong so that whatever happens, they're still bonded to you.