Sally Gary

If you are a pastor, an elder, or a parent who takes Scripture seriously, Sally Gary's story is written for you, because she was you. A Church of Christ insider and a respected university professor, she spent years teaching that faithfulness required gay Christians to change or stay celibate. Then she watched that teaching do the opposite of what it promised. Instead of saving young people's souls, it was driving them out of the church and away from God. Her conclusion, reached slowly and from inside the tradition, offers a reassurance that many faith leaders are quietly hoping is true: choosing to keep a child is not a betrayal of the faith. It may be the most faithful thing a church can do.

A credible witness, not an outsider

Sally Gary did not arrive at her convictions as a critic of the church. She was formed by it. Raised in the Church of Christ in Wichita Falls, Texas, she graduated from Abilene Christian University and taught in its communication department from 2001 to 2011. When she first spoke publicly about her own same-sex attraction, she did not challenge traditional teaching; she affirmed it, sharing her commitment to celibacy. In 2006 she founded CenterPeace to help conservative churches respond to LGBTQ people with love, and in 2013 she told her story in a memoir, later adapted into the documentary Loves God, Likes Girls.

That background is exactly what makes her a credible witness. Sally was not looking for a loophole. She held the traditional line, personally and publicly, for most of her life, which is why what she saw next carried so much weight.

What she kept seeing

Working with young people and their families through CenterPeace, Sally heard the same story again and again: kids raised in devout homes, straining to be faithful, absorbing the message that who they were was a defect to be fixed, and slowly breaking under it. She saw the shame. She saw the futile, exhausting attempts to change. And she saw where it led: not to holiness, but to young people walking away from faith entirely, and too often from life itself.

The research bears out what she witnessed firsthand. A study in Archives of Suicide Research found that LGBTQ young people who experience conflict between faith and identity face markedly higher rates of suicidal thoughts, with religious beliefs condemning their orientation linked to roughly twice the odds of a suicide attempt. Efforts to change a young person compound the danger: the 2020 JAMA Psychiatry study tied conversion efforts to elevated distress and suicide attempts, and the Trevor Project reports that affected youth are more than twice as likely to attempt suicide. The approach meant to protect these children's souls was endangering their lives.

The change of heart

For Sally, the turning point was not a single moment but an accumulation, years of funerals, pain, and departures that the traditional framework could not account for. Around 2020, she revealed that her understanding of Scripture had changed. In 2021, she married Karen Keen, and she published a second memoir, Affirming: A Memoir of Faith, Sexuality, and Staying in the Church, tracing how she came to see her sexuality as something that fit within her faith rather than against it, all while remaining devoted to the Church of Christ heritage she still cherishes.

She reoriented CenterPeace accordingly. Once a bridge built on the traditional view, it is now a fully affirming, Christ-centered ministry whose entire purpose is to give LGBTQ people a place to belong inside the church. Speaking about why she went public, she told Baptist News that church leaders need to "stop turning people away."

Why this reassures rather than threatens

The fear underneath much of the traditional position is that affirming a child means abandoning the faith. Sally's life is the counterexample. She did not leave the church; she stayed, and she is helping other believers stay. The protective power of belonging is well established: the Family Acceptance Project has shown that acceptance guards against depression and suicidal behavior, and the Trevor Project finds that even one accepting adult cuts a young person's odds of a suicide attempt by 40%. For a young person whose whole world is their congregation, an affirming pastor or parent can be that adult.

That is the pastoral reassurance at the center of Sally Gary's story. A leader can be theologically serious, deeply rooted, and widely respected, and still conclude that the demand to change was never keeping children close to God. If a Church of Christ professor who taught the traditional view can arrive there honestly, other leaders can give themselves permission to ask the same questions. Keeping the child and keeping the faith were never the opposing choices they were made out to be.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can a person be both gay and a faithful Christian? Sally Gary's life is one answer: she remained devoted to her Church of Christ tradition while coming to see her sexuality as consistent with her faith. Her memoir Affirming traces that reconciliation in detail.

Does a non-affirming church environment actually harm young people? Research indicates it can. Studies link faith-identity conflict to significantly higher suicide risk among LGBTQ young people, and family rejection to dramatically worse mental health outcomes.

What is CenterPeace? CenterPeace is a fully affirming, Christ-centered ministry founded by Sally Gary that offers LGBTQ people a place to belong in the church and equips parents and faith leaders to respond in Christ-like ways.

If you or someone you love is struggling, help is available. In the U.S., you can reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988, or connect with a counselor at The Trevor Project (thetrevorproject.org). This story discusses suicide risk, which some readers may find difficult.