Greg and Lynn McDonald

When Greg and Lynn McDonald's son, Greg Jr., came out to them, they believed they were facing an impossible choice: honor their faith, or love their child. Two decades later, their answer is unequivocal: Christian parents do not have to choose. Their story is one of the clearest illustrations of a principle at the heart of this work: keeping a family intact and keeping faith are not competing goals. They are the same goal.

"We had no idea what to do"

Like many parents in tight-knit conservative congregations, the McDonalds had built a careful vision of what their traditional Christian family would look like. They had never knowingly interacted with anyone in the LGBTQ community, and their church network offered no roadmap for the moment their son came out. So they reacted out of fear, and their first instinct was to try to "fix" him.

That instinct is common, and it is also where the harm begins. When parents press a child to change or to "act straight," the child hears a single message: you, as you are, are not acceptable here. Decades of research show how costly that message is. In a landmark Pediatrics study, young LGB adults who experienced high levels of family rejection as teenagers were 8.4 times more likely to have attempted suicide and nearly six times more likely to report high levels of depression than peers whose families were accepting.

Efforts specifically aimed at changing a young person are more damaging still. A 2020 study in JAMA Psychiatry of nearly 28,000 transgender adults found that recalled exposure to conversion efforts was associated with significantly higher rates of psychological distress and lifetime suicide attempts; with the worst outcomes among those exposed as children. The Trevor Project has found that young people subjected to these practices are more than twice as likely to attempt suicide.

The McDonalds did not have the studies in front of them. But they could see it in their own home. Pushing Greg Jr. to change was causing serious emotional and spiritual damage, and it was fracturing the very family they were trying to protect.

Two non-negotiables

So they stopped, and they drew a line around two absolutes they refused to give up: they would remain committed to loving God, and they would remain committed to loving their son. Everything else, the advice of outside "experts," the assumptions of their community, the fear of what people might say, became negotiable. Their job as parents, they decided, was not to deliver a verdict. It was to seek a Christ-like response and to extend grace first.

"If Jesus were talking with your child, what would He say to them? Push aside quotes from the media, the experts and even your pastor... follow the footsteps of the God, who extends grace and offers love first."

— Greg & Lynn McDonald

What the research says about choosing love

The McDonalds' choice is precisely what the evidence recommends. The protective power of acceptance is just as measurable as the harm of rejection. The Family Acceptance Project at San Francisco State University found that accepting behavior from parents protects LGBTQ youth against depression, substance use, and suicidal behavior, and that even small shifts away from rejecting behavior meaningfully lower a child's risk.

A single caring adult can change the trajectory. The Trevor Project reports that LGBTQ young people with one accepting adult in their lives are 40% less likely to attempt suicide. For a young person in a faith community, a parent is very often that adult. This is the Family Preservation truth in a sentence: the parent afraid of losing their faith is holding the thing most likely to keep their child alive and keep their family whole.

From grief to gratitude

Choosing love did not make the journey short. It took the McDonalds twenty years to travel from grief to gratitude; through hard conversations, through the loneliness of stepping outside their community's expectations, and through the slow work of learning to see their son clearly. What they found on the other side was not a broken family, but a restored one.

Out of that experience, they founded Embracing the Journey, one of the first Christian ministries built specifically for parents of LGBTQ children. Since 2015, they have personally coached and counseled hundreds of Christian parents across the United States and dozens of countries, and they wrote the book they wish they'd had: Embracing the Journey: A Christian Parents' Blueprint to Loving Your LGBTQ Child. Their entire ministry rests on the same two absolutes that saved their family: love God, love your child, and on the conviction that those two loves were never meant to be in conflict.

For parents just beginning

If you are at the start of this road, terrified that you are being asked to choose, the McDonalds' story offers a different frame. You are not choosing between your beliefs and your child. You are being invited to lead with grace, the way you were taught grace was meant to be led with, and to keep your family together in the process.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can Christian parents support an LGBTQ child without abandoning their faith? Yes. Greg and Lynn McDonald's twenty-year story, and the ministry they founded, are built on exactly this: parents can hold their faith and love their child unconditionally at the same time. Research on family acceptance shows that leading with support, rather than rejection, is also what best protects a child's health.

Is trying to change a child's sexual orientation or gender identity harmful? The evidence is consistent. A JAMA Psychiatry study links conversion efforts to higher rates of psychological distress and suicide attempts, and the Trevor Project finds affected youth are more than twice as likely to attempt suicide. Every major medical and mental health body opposes these practices.

What is Embracing the Journey? Embracing the Journey is a Christian ministry founded by Greg and Lynn McDonald that supports parents of LGBTQ children, offering one-on-one care, parent groups, and resources grounded in their own family's experience.

If you or someone you love is struggling, help is available. In the U.S., you can reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988, or connect with a counselor at The Trevor Project (thetrevorproject.org). This story discusses suicide risk and family conflict, which some readers may find difficult.