Watch the direction your child is moving over several weeks, not just one hard evening. Good counseling can stir up feelings, but over time it should leave a child more open and more connected to home. Warning signs include new shame about who they are, pulling away from family, friends, or church, dread before sessions, secrecy about what is said there, and changes in sleep, appetite, or schoolwork. Any talk of suicide needs help right away. If a counselor is pressuring your child to change who they are attracted to or how they see themselves, that is "conversion therapy" by another name. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry says it "should not be part of any behavioral health treatment of children and adolescents."

Quick Takeaways

• Look for a pattern over weeks, not a single tough day.

• New shame, withdrawal, and secrecy are the signs to take most seriously.

• Research links parents' efforts to change a child to more than double the rate of suicide attempts.

• You have the right to ask a counselor what their goals are for your child.

• If something feels wrong, write it down, pause, and get a second opinion.

Hard Work vs. Real Harm

A quiet car ride home after a session is not, by itself, a red flag. The better question is where things are heading. Is your child slowly more honest with you, or more ashamed of themselves? As CT4F's look at whether conversion therapy works explains, "No credible scientific study has ever demonstrated that conversion therapy reliably changes who a person is attracted to."

Warning Signs to Watch For

• Shame talk. Your child starts saying something inside them is broken or needs fixing.

• Pulling away. Less time with family, friends, or church, and more time alone.

• Dread. Stomachaches, tears, or begging not to go before a session.

• Secrecy. Your child seems afraid to tell you what happens in sessions.

• Everyday changes. Trouble sleeping, eating less or more, or slipping grades.

CT4F's overview of why conversion therapy is harmful notes that studies tie the practice "to depression, anxiety, trauma, and a sharply elevated risk of suicide." If your child talks about suicide, call or text 988 at any hour.

Why Watching Closely Matters

Timing matters. A 2026 Trevor Project research brief found that young people exposed to "conversion therapy" within the past year reported the highest rate of past-year suicide attempts, 35 percent, compared with 20 percent for those whose last exposure was more than five years earlier.

Family matters too. A Family Acceptance Project study found that rates of attempted suicide were more than double (48 percent compared with 22 percent) among young adults whose parents tried to change who they are attracted to. A solution that divides families is not a solution at all.

Questions to Ask Your Child's Counselor

Families, not counselors, know what is best for their children. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the person who represents a minor child in health care "is usually the child's parent or legal guardian." You can ask:

• What are your goals for my child?

• Do you have an outcome in mind for who my child is attracted to or how they see themselves?

• What will you share with me, and what will stay private?

• Which state board licenses you?

A good counselor will welcome these questions. CT4F's guide to what conversion therapy is explains the softer names it often hides behind.

What to Do If Something Feels Wrong

• Write it down. Note dates, what your child said, and what changed. CT4F's guide on what to write down if a counselor crossed the line can help.

• Pause and listen. Tell your child you are on their side.

• Get a second opinion. Choose a licensed professional who does not steer children toward any set outcome.

• Speak up. CT4F explains how to report a counselor who practiced conversion therapy.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I tell if counseling is hurting my child?

Watch for new shame about who they are, withdrawal from family or church, dread before sessions, secrecy, and changes in sleep, appetite, or grades over several weeks.

Is it normal for my child to feel worse after a counseling session?

A hard day can be normal. A steady slide toward shame, fear, or isolation is not.

Can I ask my child's counselor what happens in sessions?

Yes. HHS says a minor's health care representative is usually the parent or legal guardian. Ask about goals, privacy, and what the counselor will share with you.

How do I know if my child's counseling is really conversion therapy?

If the counselor is trying to change who your child is attracted to or how they see themselves, or promises that kind of change, it is "conversion therapy" under another name.

What should I do if I think a counselor is pressuring my child to change?

Write down what you have noticed, pause sessions, reassure your child, and find a licensed professional who does not steer children toward a set outcome.

Sources and Further Reading

Research on Harm to Children

• The Trevor Project: time since exposure to conversion therapy and suicide attempts among young people (2026)

• Family Acceptance Project: parent-led change efforts and suicide attempts in young adults (2018)

• American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry: 2018 policy statement on conversion therapy

Parents' Rights and Crisis Help

• U.S. Department of Health and Human Services: parents as personal representatives under HIPAA

• 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: free, confidential support by call or text

CT4F Resources for Families

• Risks and harms of conversion therapy

• Conversion therapy explained: definitions and modern forms

• The real success rate of conversion therapy: what medical research tells Christian families

• What to write down if you think your child's counselor crossed the line

• How to report a counselor who practiced conversion therapy on your child